Opposites as a Key to Growth
Do you ever feel that someone irritates you endlessly, only to realize later that you actually learn something important from that person? That’s exactly what Eus’s new podcast is about: polar attraction and opposites. Recently, Eus launched an inspiring podcast on polar attraction and opposites. It struck me because you can often see in daily life how partners, friends, and family teach you something through their character traits. Sometimes you discover a side of yourself that you didn’t know so well. Sometimes they help you soften certain sharp edges of your traits.
Life Lessons in Daily Life
Take me as an example: I clearly belong to the category of perfectionist. Even though I’ve done the city walk through Lagos with my friend Claudia dozens of times via our Lagos Citywalks, I still keep searching for new information. The same happens during my walks in nature, my preparations for courses, or for my singing lessons. In short: I never really allow myself empty time.
The Attraction of Opposites
And who do I attract? My husband Eus and my friend Claudia, who live life with much more ease. They let things take their course and trust that everything will turn out fine. Both take their responsibility but do not let it weigh so heavily that it stands in their way. From them, I learn that good is often good enough, and especially that you should enjoy all those activities to the fullest. And in between, it’s nice to take a refreshing dive in the ocean or enjoy a cappuccino or glass of wine on the terrace. The good life.
Giving and Receiving
I also strongly identify as a giver and organizer. Back in the Netherlands, I had a group of friends for whom I organized everything: hiking vacations, listening ears for relationship problems… Until I once experienced severe tooth pain myself. My friends took me to the dentist but kept asking questions about their own problems. No one came with me to the reception. Instead of saying: “Stop whining and take care of ME for a change”, I just let it happen. After all, I was used to taking care of myself. Fortunately, you become wiser through pain, and I’ve been able to gradually let go of that old habit.
Nowadays, I am so grateful that I have a caring partner and friends with whom I can share joy AND sorrow, in a healthy exchange of giving and receiving.
Opposites as Teachers
When you look at character structures; such as the giver, the caregiver, the king/queen, the servant, the narcissist, the autistic person, and so on, you probably recognize a bit of everything in yourself. It’s not about placing someone into a box, but rather becoming aware of where your pitfall lies.
You often get irritated by people who are different from you. They trigger an allergy in you. But if you look at it differently, those are exactly the people from whom you can learn. I notice that I have an allergy to people who play the victim, complain, and whine. Especially those who blame everything and everyone. Yet the opposite of a victim is being responsible and independent. And therein lies my learning point: I can sometimes be too hard on myself, pulling everything towards me when something goes wrong.
And You?
So I’m curious: where does your pitfall lie; and which opposites help you find more balance?
